a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
