Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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