I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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