i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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