I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
