you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
