I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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