Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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