well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
