Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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