some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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