Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
