My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
