Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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