So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's always time for handjobs
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
