I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
