If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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