Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
