Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
