Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My friends, they love my intelligence
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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