Just took my morning after pill in the library
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
