well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
