video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
