Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
