hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
