Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
