i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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