in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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