Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
