so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
