I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
