Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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