she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
