My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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