My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
