But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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