so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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