I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
