if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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