This girl is more easily done than said...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
