Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
