Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
