Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
