Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex on a dog bed..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
