so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
