I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he thought i was a dude.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
