Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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