Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
