I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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