My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
