Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
